picking up the sister

its just gone past two in the morning and I drive into the local town, slowly and with extra awareness through the narrow roads, filled up with all sorts of taxis and cabs (you know the people carrier type) as well as many a police car. all the time far too well aware of the possibility of someone who has had too much to drink stepping out in front of me. I park outside 'baccus', where I am greeted by not one but two gentlemen relieving themselves. I switch the engine and the headlights off and reach for my phone to announce my arrival, my door is suddenly open and I am greeted by an officer of the law, I cancel the phone call I was about to make, take off my seatbelt and get out of the car.

bobby: 'you know that when your driving on the road, you are not allowed to see your phone' (takes my keys off the ignition, his comment leaves me thinking that maybe you are allowed to use your phone whilst driving off-road)
me: 'I wasn't using my phone'
b: 'my colleague saw you holding up your phone to your ear' (he knows how phones are used, he's one of the more intelligent ones)
m: 'I wasn't using my phone' (i'm secretly hoping repetition will do the trick)
b: 'well you are now holding the phone in your hand so I have reason to believe you were using the phone whilst driving, you do know that it is illegal to drive whilst on the phone'
m: 'I think you might be confused, I wasn't using my phone'
b: 'my colleague saw you on the phone whilst driving. what are you doing here?'
m: 'i'm waiting for my sister, i've come to pick her up'
b: 'have you been drinking tonight?'
m: 'no' (at this point I was looking forward to being breathalysed, having never experienced it before)
b: 'well we can't prove that you were using your mobile phone, just don't do it again' (hands me keys back and, along with the four other policemen that were standing around me, get in their van and drive off)

now there's nothing particularly remarkable about what happened, rather, it was how intimidated I felt whilst being accused, their minds more than made up. the possibility of believing me was never there.
the question that stays with me is 'why did they confront me if they could not prove it?' were they hoping for a confession? also to note: no ‘hello’ or ‘goodnight’

maybe one day.....

untitled

i'll start playing guitar again when i'm happy

(now, where is that old thing?)

Llama patrols protect christmas trees

"They're likely to run at them first and ask questions later."

a turkey is not just for christmas...

it's for the next day and the next and the day after that too.

crackers

they are the best thing about the holy day.
what's the so good about them?
well, it's a toss up between the silly paper hats or the jokes inside them.
the crap toy is usually amusing for about ( ) <-- that long. best and worst this year: What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper What's the lady copper doing up a tree? She's working for the Special Branch more can be found here: BBC NEWS : UK : Top 10 Christmas cracker jokes

kitsch

somewhere in euston a run down social club, similar to Peter Kay's 'Phoenix Nights', was the setting for this band to take to the stage. extremely kitsch but utterly enjoyable the kind of pop harmonies which can't help but make you smile, especially when those voices come from such pretty faces. their drummer is better than me at pool. jonny borrell was also there doing his duty of rubbing shoulders with us.

the pipettes - white christmas

barth's disctinction

there are two types of people: those who divide people into two types and those who do not.

i have a problem...

with horoscopes.
what's the point of a horoscope? advice? entertainment?

they are especially abundant this time of year, with all sorts of predictions and advice for the coming year. how can you beleive them? what methods are used to make such predictions?
can you go on a horoscope writing course?

if you think you know the answers for any of the above then please provide them on a postcard.


'Scorpio 2006 Love Forecast'
Love Strike No 1
February 17, 10.44pm
An annoying issue you've been fighting about for ages with your lover finally sorts itself and you can happily kiss and make up. At last! Ensure the matter is properly resolved now. Get it all out in the open. You know how you can brood...

'taken from January 2006 edition of Glamour'
two further love strikes are then detailed in the magazine, one on April 18, 9.43am and the other on October 25, 10.46am.

i think i might set up reminders on the mobile with the titles such as 'Love Strike No 1' and so forth.
about the date of love strike no 1: it had to be 'that' day.

cremation

in hindsight george probably shouldn't have been cremated

un-condition-al

the fucked up thing about love is that it is unconditional

sometimes i think

i could make the world a better place if i had a gun in my hand

no reply

you might not miss me, and that's fair enough. i miss you and i wish we were friends. i wish we'd never said those nasty things to each other.

bloc party are a minefield!

on more than one occasion i've found myself closing my eyes during the uuuuuuuaaaaaaaa's of their songs, especially banquet. this isn't usually a problem, but its recently been happening whilst driving.

when discussing bloc party with someone recently, one of the arguments that they put forward for not liking bloc party, was something along the lines "i'm black and i'm in a rock band, aren't i great?", i could only look to the bottom of my glass and then get a refill. later on, when dancing to bloc party with a friend, a conversation was struck with a girl who asked me if i liked them? i proceeded to inform her that i was a big fan. she was clearly delighted with the news and proceeded to plant a big kiss on my face... and then did that old david copperfield and disappeared.
maybe it never happened, it can't be sure of these things anymore

jeans

sometimes without expecting it, i'm remimded of my nationality

shouting out 'fodase' after hurting myself always amuses me.

another other one would be turning my head round, for a second look, after an attractive member of the opposite sex walks past me...

some things are stronger than you

'hot off the press'

christmas has been cancelled in vietnam this year
they've decided to hang glitter instead

--------------------------------------------

dr: there's good news and bad news mr best.
best: what's the bad news?
d: you've only got an hour to live
b: what's the good news then?
d: it's happy hour

--------------------------------------------
supposedly my mate saw george best getting kicked out of a bar last night,
apparently they weren't serving spirits

do you really want to be my secretary?

E. Edward Grey: Look, we can't do this 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Lee: Why not?